A long distance relationship is something most people would shy away from as much as possible. If you are about to engage in such a relationship, you’ll discover that a lot of people around you will try to discourage you from doing so. They may be your family, friends, colleagues, and so on. Even without these people’s advice, you on your own will probably think twice if you’re considering being involved in a long distance relationship. But, why is this? Why are we so quick to shun such a relationship? Can it ever actually work?
Perhaps the best answer to this is that majority of us believe that distance relationships are never meant to work out. The whole point of being in a relationship is to be together, isn’t it? The thing is, this belief is not entirely without any foundation. As can be observed, a large percentage of long distance relationships do go down the drain. But the truth is, not all relationships of this fashion fail. There are those that that do succeed; indeed, thrive! Perhaps the only thing certain with this type of relationship is that it is extra-difficult, because of the distance factor. Communication becomes more difficult, and trust is stretched to its maximum capacity.
With the advent of the internet and the growing popularity of social media, the question as to whether long distance relationships is ever going to work is being put to rest in a daily basis. Today, communication is a lot easier and more convenient than it has ever been so that getting in touch with your significant other, who is a couple of hundred (or thousand) miles away is not difficult at all; assuming time zones are not an issue. It still proves to be difficult, but definitely not impossible. Long distance relationships can work, but it demands a very different approach from what a conventional relationship would need.
Is it worth it?
As stated, many will disparage the long term relationship. Our parents want more for us than that. Our friends want more for us, and some of them probably know first-hand how painful and difficult it can be. Our age group can determine whether it’s worth it, initially. If you are very young.. Well there’s time to waste. ;) If you are of child-bearing age, then ladies should be aware that they are wasting their fertile years; be very, very sure this man is worth wasting them for. It’s a surprisingly short window, which passes quickly. As for those of older age or who have already borne a family, it’s a judgment call.
How deeply in love with this person are you..? If you couldn’t possibly imagine yourself with anyone else (BOTH of you!), then it’s absolutely worth it. A deep true love connection is irreplaceable. If you have even the slightest question as to whether this person really truly loves you and think you might, possibly, in another life, do better with someone else, then it’s not worth it. Sorry. If your partner doesn’t contact you for any length of time, cheats, disappears or misses communication dates, then it’s not worth it. Because ultimately, you deserve to be with someone who can’t live without you. Or who has as difficult a time as you do, without you. It can be a painful, lonely, empty, yearning, restless time. If it’s true love, you will both suffer, but it will be worth it for the romantics.
If you are happy with a little coolness or distance in your relationships, then it can work quite easily for you. If you can go all day getting on with your work and not really think of your ‘love’, then it’s worth it. But then if you can live so easily without them, then why not be with someone else who’s actually there..? It really depends on your definition of ‘love’, and what depth of commitment and demonstration you need and prefer. Everyone is different, and seeking different things. If the relationship is one of convenience, then certainly distance makes no difference to the connection you have.
Here are Some Simple Tips on How to Keep and Grow a Long Distance Relationship:
Less is More
Because it is a long distance relationship, you may think you need to constantly keep in touch with each other. As you’ll notice along the way, both of you may become burned out with this. While some lovers like to talk every day and stay as closely connected by text messages and social media as they would if they were together, the truth is, you don’t necessarily need to communicate every one or two hours to make sure your relationship is growing. Instead, try to make your communication time more dedicated and memorable. Communicating only in a prearranged schedule can put thrill and excitement in you, so that the actual communication time can be effective in quenching your longing for each other.
It is indeed true that in terms of communication, less is more. You don’t have to call her every five minutes. You can do other things though. Here’s where creativity can come in. You can do things that you wouldn’t be able to, or likely to, locally. Have a Skype dinner date, and dress beautifully for each other, cook the same lovely dinner, and share it online.
You can actually update each other with what you are going through, too. You can use pictures, video clips and other media to make the other person feel cherished and remembered like they are still an important part of your day. This would really make the whole “waiting” for the scheduled talk time more bearable and exciting. Sending someone a video on what you’re doing or where you are, just for them, is a very beautiful way to show you are always thinking of them, and want to share your moments with them.
Whether you are a sentimental person or not, you just can’t deny the fact that gifts do hold some power over most people. It’s a tangible way to show you care, material proof of your love and appreciation for that person. Nobody can deny that it makes them feel special and important to receive a gift. The fact that they even thought of you for long enough to think of purchasing it, is touching. When the gift itself is relevant and meaningful also, it’s extra-special.
Regularly give each other gifts or mementos. The sizes or the kind of gift do not matter. Like what most people say: “It’s the thought that counts”. And when you love someone, even a flower picked from the side of the road, or a little hand-written note is worth mountains of gold, because it’s from your love. You may not know it, but we always associate a certain meaning to things we find daily. This is why gift giving can do a lot of things for your relationship.
So should we engage in long distance love?
It’s true that long distance relationships are a risk. Engaging in such relationship can, in most cases, lead to heartaches. But it does not mean we will close our doors on such engagements. Because true love can weather any storm. So we say, if you are madly in love with this person, and they with you, and you plan a future together, then a temporary space between you will not lessen the strength of the psychic and emotional connection you have. After all, it is only a physical separation. No physical space can stop your feelings.
In fact, for those deeply in love, their feelings will only grow stronger with distance. This is why watching how your partner responds is important. For someone who is merely infatuated, or for whom the relationship is just convenient, their memories and feelings will soon fade, and they will move on with someone else. But for those deeply in love, they are still blind to anyone else, except their one true love. Unless you feel like an open relationship is something you can handle. ;)
With effective communication, a long distance relationship can prosper and grow. And hopefully, very soon the universe will move circumstances so that your physical separation ends, and you can be in each other’s arms again. Because surely a long-term long-distance relationship is a little pointless… Eventually, one will move to be with the other. So think about 4-5 years from now. Because that is coming faster than you think!